Aging Gracefully

When people talk about aging gracefully, I conjure up images of elderly people looking stylish, being comfortable under their own skin, and radiating an aura of confidence.

I usually listen to Chinese radio whenever I stay in Vancouver. There is an abundance of beauty salons ads claiming that some small painless procedures can make people look 10-20 years younger. Supposedly the largest group of customers for the beauty salons is middle-aged ladies who are anxious to get rid of their first wrinkles and double chins. I ponder about the necessity of such procedures. Unless you work in appearance dependent fields such as show business and sales, it is actually more advantageous to look mature with laugh lines, wrinkles and eye bags.

Decades ago when I was growing up in Vancouver, seniors would dress in pastel colours or bold patterns. These days seniors choose to wear more revealing clothing such as mini skirts, short shorts and tops with low necklines. Well, unless we are blessed with well toned bodies, wearing such clothing would only accentuate our sagging skin and body parts. Being fashionable can never surpass personal style and elegance.

It is still a mystery to me how seniors can have spouses decades younger than themselves. More often than not, younger companions would not be able to understand their thinking and life experiences. An older man with a much younger wife is often seen as flaunting a status symbol. It can be explained that his trophy wife is a status symbol. It is analogous to an older person cruising around in a red convertible. Yet I still see a lot of these archetypes in developed countries.

Recently I heard that Queen Elizabeth II has banned the use of plastics at the royal estates. I applaud her effort in becoming more environmentally friendly. While I value age old wisdom, I embrace new discoveries and knowledge. Some seniors hesitate to try out hi-tech products such as cell phones and internet. Our physical and mental abilities decrease with age; however, that should not stop us from trying something new once in a while.

In summary, we would do the following to age gracefully:
1) Embrace wrinkles, sagging skin, age spots, etc. as signs of maturity.
2) Dress age-appropriately with your own unique style.
3) Marry someone who can understand you, and not someone just to turn heads.
4) Always be aware of the changes around you and try something new occasionally.

Happy Aging!

Sexuality vs. Sensuality

I conducted an experiment yesterday by participating in an online photo contest titled "Human Sensuality..." It was stated that "...In this challenge please submit photos that show human sensuality in your personal point of view. Look for a seductive quality not only in your subject but in the light as well." The participants could submit up to four photos for the contest.

Before I uploaded my own photos, I voted for other photos for three consecutive days. What I observed was rather astonishing. More than half of the entries were hardcore pornography showing women in sexy lingerie or harnesses, the act of vaginal penetration and close-ups of both male and female genitalia. I also viewed the professional picks; they are usually nude females photographed in low light conditions.

The first photo that I uploaded was a bare female chest covered by a thin cotton scarf. The nipples are erect and darkened. It took on a seductive feel. The response was great. Instantly it received many "likes" and votes. The photo is very different from the rest of the stock. 

I waited an hour before uploading the second photo, which is the same breast at a slight angle with a focus on the right nipple. The chest is blemished and there is no touch-up. This photo does not have a covering. The face of the subject is cropped out in both pictures. The response was overwhelmingly favourable. Soon it received more "likes" and votes than the first photo. 

The third photo was a spectacled, well-dressed young lady in a "cheesy" pose on a log on a beach in soft light. To see her as seductive and sensual, you would need to have some imagination. 

The last photo was a part of an erotic scene on an exterior wall of a temple in Khajuraho, India. A burlesque effect was added to the photo to make the mood more romantic. It would not be difficult for people to perceive the inherent seduction.

Well, the responses for the last two photos were slow. The combined score was less than half of the second photo. This morning when I again voted for the other photos after being absent for a day, I was a bit surprised to see that the photos were more modest than before. There were more clothed subjects and close-ups of other body parts such as necks, thighs, hands, buttocks, etc. My conclusion is that "Sex sells" but the human mind can be trained to distinguish sexuality from sensuality through the ripple effect.

Epilogue: As a sequel to the experiment, I replaced the fourth photo with a photo of a belly dancer a week later. The response was great and preferred by the female audience. 

It would be interesting to survey what body parts would invoke sexual desires in both genders and inclinations. I swapped the clothed young lady photo for one featuring a pair of sexy leg. Surprisingly this faceless photo with no erogenous zones exposed, received more votes than any of the preceding photos in less time.

Classiness vs. Ostentatiousness

Class is an aura of confidence that is being sure without being cocky. Class has nothing to do with money. Class never runs scared. It is self-discipline and self-knowledge. It's the sure footedness that comes with having proved you can meet life. - Ann Landers

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines ostentatious as "attracting or seeking to attract attention, admiration, or envy often by gaudiness or obviousness...overly elaborate or conspicuous ...characterized by, fond of, or evincing ostentation".

The dichotomy is obvious; however, people often opt for the latter, which has a more negative connotation. It is probably because class comes from within, and is not so easy to develop. It would be relatively easy to put up a plush facade to draw attention. In a busy world full of self-centered, self-absorbed, ostentatious human beings, the small group of classy people is usually ignored and forgotten. 

When I was young, my parents would praise me and give me money whenever I came home with an excellent report card. Mediocrity was not in their vocabulary. They would punish me for not conforming to the norm, talking back or speaking up against injustices. I was taught to believe that people would only respect those who are professionals, in authoritative positions or wealthy.

Sadly, many children born in the 21st century are still being raised with this set of values. The main difference is that young people in developed countries cannot do simple arithmetic, spell or remember names, dates or phone numbers these days; they rely on their smartphones to do all that. Other than designer clothing and accessories, they crave expensive cell phones and popular electronics. Terms such as depression and ADHD are used loosely to describe their psychological states when things are not going their way or they do not get what they want.

What we should teach in schools and at home is self-knowledge, independent thinking, problem-solving skills, self-discipline and respect for others. Hopefully, ostentatious and selfish behaviour would be diverted, and class would be restored in future generations.

Lessons From a Decluttering Journey

Several years ago, I began the slow process of decluttering my home. The purging process took place gradually over a period of approximately five years. Sometimes it was very painful because I had attachment issues with many items. The problems stemmed mainly from the fact that I either paid a lot of money for these items or they have high sentimental values. I still have about 125 cubic feet of stuff locked away in a storage facility. My plan is to clear out my locker before my next journey in about ten months. I foresee it to be the most challenging task for me so far. I have to let go of the past and prepare myself psychologically to achieve this goal.

I owned enough clothing to last several lifetimes, spanning almost every size I had worn over the previous three decades. My weight yo-yo'ed over the years. Occasionally I was able to "recycle" my plus-sized clothes in the past three decades. Moreover, I never got back to my smallest dress size. I can still remember a conversation that I had with one of my favourite professors. He told me that we would only get bigger as we age. Had I heeded his comment, I would have given away all the smaller clothes at any one time. For the most part, I owned too much clothing because I could not wear all my clothes in one laundry cycle.

My former neighbour is also a world traveler. He never took any pictures in his travels. Amazingly he remembers the places that he visited very well without any photos, keepsakes or souvenirs. With the advent of digital photography and online storage, now I just have the keepsake albums, old scrapbooks and old photo albums to deal with. These days whenever I have an urge to buy souvenirs, an image of my packed locker would just pop up in my mind. I purchase souvenirs only to give them away as gifts. There is no greater souvenir than being in a certain place at a particular point in time.

In most cultures, more is better. If I ask young people how many cellphones they have possessed in the past five years, most would answer five to seven. The same goes for computers, cars, shoes, furniture, household items and small appliances. Recently I stayed with a widower friend of mine while waiting for my new rental place to be ready for move-in, I observed that he has two smartphones, two laptops, two monitors, one tablet and numerous computer accessories in his home. His kitchen cupboards are full of expired dried and canned food. Observing his home reminded me of how easily possessions accumulate when we stop questioning why we keep them. What once seemed valuable can quietly become clutter occupying both physical and mental space.

Armed with this new mindset, I will proceed with the final stages of the purging process to clear out my locker for the past four years.

Freedom 55

"Freedom 55" is a term that London Life Insurance used for their marketing campaign many years ago. Back in the 1990's, I used to work in an insurance-related industry, and I took evening courses to become an insurance broker. It did not work out, and I never became a licensed insurance broker. Moreover, I did learn some important concepts during that episode of my life. One of them is that we should save as much as we can when we are working. Do not squander on material things such as designer clothes, expensive cars or eating out regularly. Spend money wisely on experiences that would open your mind and eyes. More often than not, we get sucked into unnecessary competitions that would drain our resources and energy.

Freedom is defined as the state of not being imprisoned or enslaved. I grew up in a very conservative Chinese Catholic family. My parents and teachers taught me discipline, traditional values and morals. But at the same time, I was imprisoned in an archaic, restrictive frame of thinking. The invisible shackles had greatly altered the course of my life. I had always worked hard and not indulged in physical pleasures. Being independent and free translates to not relying on luck or someone else to make things right for me. I do not have to ask permission from my parents to do anything anymore because they have disowned me. I do not have to worry about any dependants because I do not have any offspring or even a pet. I am not tied down by fixed assets either because I do not own any. As the Protestant Christians would say, I am also "departure ready".

Today I turn 55. I reflect back on the treacherous journey that took me to where I am now. From being made to feel like a failure by my family, peers and bosses to shrugging off the hiccups along the way and moving on, it has been a continuous series of disappointments, struggles and failed attempts. Many would have turned into bitter beings who would not have the courage to try new experiences. I am grateful that I did not. I still believe in miracles and try out new things. The sense of optimism revives my spirit and provides me the power to carry on until my expiry date. I have learned to give every challenge my best shot and then leave it in God's hands. If it is not meant to happen, it will not happen. If it is in God's plans, it will happen regardless of my input and I cannot avoid it.

And that is my definition of Freedom 55.

A Successful Life

How do you define a successful life? The Merriam Webster dictionary has this definition; "...having gotten or achieved wealth, respect, or fame" or "having the correct or desired result...". I beg to differ.  I beg to differ. To me, a successful life has little to do with wealth, notoriety, or fame.

A few days ago, I watched a documentary about Warren Buffet. I did not know who he is until mid-1994 during a job interview. At age 86, Mr. Buffet still goes to work every day and does what he is passionate about, much like the way he has been working for the past six and a half decades. He is one of the Top 5 wealthiest people in the world for many years. Last year he donated $2.86 billion USD to charity. As far as I could tell, he was at ease with himself and content with every aspect of his life. Mr. Buffet is the textbook example of leading a successful life by "having achieved wealth, respect, or fame."

Another successful person who comes to mind is Saint Teresa of Kolkata. I visited the Mother House in 2003, and it is just a modest dwelling place for Catholic nuns of her order. Missionaries of Charity was founded by Mother Teresa in 1950. This saintly woman had no more than 3 saris and a pair of sandals in her possession when she was alive. Moreover, she made a difference in millions of lives with her dedication of serving the poorest of the poor. She led a successful life by "having the correct or desired result".

Yesterday I watched a video clip about the 25 most influential people in history based on a study conducted by MIT. Even though many great scientists and engineers made it to the Top 25 list, the No. 1 most influential person in history is Aristotle. To be quite honest, I was a bit surprised at first. How could a Greek philosopher from 4th Century B.C. beat all his fabulous contemporaries? We don't even have a tangible object that would remind us of him.I then realized that he had definitely altered the way future generations thought and reasoned. Alexander the Great, who was the greatest conqueror, was his pupil. His philosophies and teachings were spread over several continents some 2,400 years ago.

Warren Buffet, Mother Teresa and Aristotle have one thing in common. They all followed their hearts and dedicated their entire lives to doing what they loved to do. Whatever good (wealth, respect, fame, influence, etc.) came out of their successful lives seemed almost secondary to the joy that radiated from them.

The Silent Struggle

It is always difficult to tell others that we have health issues, even more so when it comes to mental health issues. As with physical health challenges, there are various types and degrees of severity of psychological disorders. Before reaching adulthood, most of us would have gone through numerous episodes of mental health challenges. Common forms of mental illness include eating disorders, addiction disorders, panic attacks, anxiety disorders, depression, mood disorders, ADHD and the list goes on. The more severe forms would be neurosis, psychosis and schizophrenia, etc.

According to medicinenet.com, "... although the exact cause of most mental illnesses is not known, it is becoming clear through research that many of these conditions are caused by a combination of genetic, biological, psychological, and environmental factors -- not personal weakness or a character defect -- and recovery from a mental illness is not simply a matter of will and self-discipline." We can recover from mental illness with proper treatment, and can control the symptoms. However, the general attitude towards mental illness is that it is incurable. We tend to ignore and/or avoid people with mental health challenges as if they have a contagious disease.

Unfortunately we also associate mental illness with low intellectual and cognitive capability. Our society has excluded, discriminated and marginalized people with mental health issues. A few days ago, I was sitting on a bus next to an elderly man who was on his way to visit his wife in a long term care facility. That has been morning routine for the past four years. He told me that ever since she was diagnosed with dementia, her friends had been dropping off like flies. Sadly, some of these friends are people that his wife has known for over six decades. 

"We need to change the culture of this topic and make it okay to speak about mental health and suicide." Do not turn a deaf ear to the problem. Ask what we can do to alleviate the suffering. We can make a big difference by smiling at and listening to the people with mental difficulties.