To Go Or Not To Go To West Africa

Ever since I was little, I dreamed of being a missionary in Africa. Then I realized that I did not fit the description of a religious missionary. I relinquished that dream many years ago. After my early retirement in 2011, the idea of an African journey rekindled. Perhaps just to satisfy my curiosity, I should give the African continent a whirl. Even though much of Africa has come a long way in the past few decades, abject poverty is still evident in many African countries. When I visited Eastern and Southern Africa in 2015/2016, tourism in most of the African countries was still not well developed.

Transportation is the biggest issue. For instance, the main north-south "highway" in Mozambique was in very poor condition. To travel a distance of 1400 kms, the minimum travel time is 25 hours of non-stop driving. The highway is full of potholes and frequent checkpoints with corrupt police. Another issue is the lack of tourist accommodations. Okavango Delta is a well-known tourist spot in Botswana; however, budget travellers have no choice but sleep on the ground in tents on campgrounds. Thirdly, public health issues could at times be of grievous concern. For example, the 2014-2016 Ebola outbreak in West Africa prevented me from completing the circuit around sub-Sahara Africa.

Now that the Ebola epidemic is under control, I would continue my African adventure. In addition to the three issues present in Southern and Eastern Africa, West Africa has two more issues. The first one has something to do with the travel visas. For most Western country passport holders, Senegal and Gambia are the only two countries that require no visas to enter the countries. Last but not least, terrorist activities and robberies are common in many of the West African countries.

Many of the globetrotters would only travel in certain parts of the world, forsaking the less known places altogether. I, however, think that I should visit these places at least once and try to understand why they are not popular with the travelers. Many a times I got transported back in time when traveling off the beaten path. There are places that are unaffected by urbanization or modernization. I uncovered the kind of primitiveness that I would otherwise not be able to experience.

God willing, I hope to visit Senegal, Cape Verde, Gambia, Guinea-Bissau, Guinea, Sierra Leone, Liberia, Ivory Coast, Ghana, Togo and Benin. If it gets to be too challenging, I would just turn around before Benin. As always, I want to travel like a local tourist. This means riding in a lot of bush taxis which are often time consuming. I have allocated roughly eighteen weeks to complete this journey. I would save Cape Verde for last because I might not have enough time and it is the easiest country to travel in.

How to defeat mood swings and depression methodically

We all have heard about tricks to control our anger such as taking deep breaths and counting from one to ten before firing out angry words or swearing. Do you know that you can deploy similar technique to counter mood swings and depression?

Almost two decades ago when I first suffered long periods of depression, I had a lot of resentment for the people who mistreated me and became vengeful. I was in between jobs and had problems with my friends and family. I did not want to be around people especially my family. Then I discovered that I was only hurting myself by craving vindication. I thought I would write an autobiography to tell my side of the story. Per chance, I might even find some bright spots which could cheer me on. Unfortunately there were way more unhappy moments than happy moments. I drove deeper in my depression and suicidal thoughts manifested.

One day I started writing down why I was so sad. I was sad because I was stuck in dead-end, meaningless and low-paying jobs. I was sad because I was rejected by a religious order. I was sad because I was criticized and despised for not conforming to the typical life cycle mold of being happily married and having kids by a certain age. I was sad because nobody understood me. I was sad because I was betrayed by people that I trusted. I was sad because my efforts and achievements were not recognized.

Sometimes I would write down what would make me happy again. But most of the time, I would try to explain why I was such a "failure" and why I was so unhappy. It turned into a blaming exercise and it did not help in my personal development. I blamed my being born at the tail end of the Baby Boomer generation for my not having any success in my career. I blamed God for not letting me become a nun. I blamed my parents for having high expectations but not helping me at all. I blamed my co-workers for being jealous of me, backstabbing me and gossiping to get ahead.

So how did I overcome those dark periods of my life? First, I believe in myself and have developed my set of values and ethics. In my mind, everyone born to this planet has an intrinsic value and is equal. Sets of values are imposed upon me throughout my life, and I am being measured against external values and attributes. I have no choice but be compared to people around me, be it a family member, a co-worker or an acquaintance.

Solution: When things are not going my way, I verbalize my complaints or put them on paper, and then try to compromise to the limit of my "standards". If it is a mood swing, I identify the mood change and then verbalize the issues. I talk to God all the time because of my faith in the Almighty Creator God. For those who don't have friends or God, you can talk to yourself. Resolve the issues and never look back.

Aging Gracefully

When people talk about aging gracefully, I conjure up images of elderly people looking stylish, being comfortable under their own skin, and radiating an aura of confidence.

I usually listen to Chinese radio whenever I stay in Vancouver. There is an abundance of beauty salons ads claiming that some small painless procedures can make people look 10-20 years younger. Supposedly the largest group of customers for the beauty salons is middle-aged ladies who are anxious to get rid of their first wrinkles and double chins. I ponder about the necessity of such procedures. Unless you work in appearance dependent fields such as show business and sales, it is actually more advantageous to look mature with laugh lines, wrinkles and eye bags.

Decades ago when I was growing up in Vancouver, seniors would dress in pastel colours or bold patterns. These days seniors choose to wear more revealing clothing such as mini skirts, short shorts and tops with low necklines. Well, unless we are blessed with well toned bodies, wearing such clothing would only accentuate our sagging skin and body parts. Being fashionable can never surpass personal style and elegance.

It is still a mystery to me how seniors can have spouses decades younger than themselves. More often than not, younger companions would not be able to understand their thinking and life experiences. An older man with a much younger wife is often seen as flaunting a status symbol. It can be explained that his trophy wife is a status symbol. It is analogous to an older person cruising around in a red convertible. Yet I still see a lot of these archetypes in developed countries.

Recently I heard that Queen Elizabeth II has banned the use of plastics at the royal estates. I applaud her effort in becoming more environmentally friendly. While I value age old wisdom, I embrace new discoveries and knowledge. Some seniors hesitate to try out hi-tech products such as cell phones and internet. Our physical and mental abilities decrease with age; however, that should not stop us from trying something new once in a while.

In summary, we would do the following to age gracefully:
1) Embrace wrinkles, sagging skin, age spots, etc. as signs of maturity.
2) Dress age-appropriately with your own unique style.
3) Marry someone who can understand you, and not someone just to turn heads.
4) Always be aware of the changes around you and try something new occasionally.

Happy Aging!

Sexuality vs. Sensuality

I conducted an experiment yesterday by participating in an online photo contest titled "Human Sensuality..." It was stated that "...In this challenge please submit photos that show human sensuality in your personal point of view. Look for a seductive quality not only in your subject but in the light as well." The participants could submit up to four photos for the contest.

Before I uploaded my own photos, I voted for other photos for three consecutive days. What I observed was rather astonishing. More than half of the entries were hardcore pornography showing women in sexy lingerie or harnesses, the act of vaginal penetration and close-ups of both male and female genitalia. I also viewed the professional picks; they are usually nude females photographed in low light conditions.

The first photo that I uploaded was a bare female chest covered by a thin cotton scarf. The nipples are erect and darkened. It took on a seductive feel. The response was great. Instantly it received many "likes" and votes. The photo is very different from the rest of the stock. 

I waited an hour before uploading the second photo, which is the same breast at a slight angle with a focus on the right nipple. The chest is blemished and there is no touch-up. This photo does not have a covering. The face of the subject is cropped out in both pictures. The response was overwhelmingly favourable. Soon it received more "likes" and votes than the first photo. 

The third photo was a spectacled, well-dressed young lady in a "cheesy" pose on a log on a beach in soft light. To see her as seductive and sensual, you would need to have some imagination. 

The last photo was a part of an erotic scene on an exterior wall of a temple in Khajuraho, India. A burlesque effect was added to the photo to make the mood more romantic. It would not be difficult for people to perceive the inherent seduction.

Well, the responses for the last two photos were slow. The combined score was less than half of the second photo. This morning when I again voted for the other photos after being absent for a day, I was a bit surprised to see that the photos were more modest than before. There were more clothed subjects and close-ups of other body parts such as necks, thighs, hands, buttocks, etc. My conclusion is that "Sex sells" but the human mind can be trained to distinguish sexuality from sensuality through the ripple effect.

Epilogue: As a sequel to the experiment, I replaced the fourth photo with a photo of a belly dancer a week later. The response was great and preferred by the female audience. 

It would be interesting to survey what body parts would invoke sexual desires in both genders and inclinations. I swapped the clothed young lady photo for one featuring a pair of sexy leg. Surprisingly this faceless photo with no erogenous zones exposed, received more votes than any of the preceding photos in less time.

Classiness vs. Ostentatiousness

Class is an aura of confidence that is being sure without being cocky. Class has nothing to do with money. Class never runs scared. It is self-discipline and self-knowledge. It's the sure footedness that comes with having proved you can meet life. - Ann Landers

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines ostentatious as "attracting or seeking to attract attention, admiration, or envy often by gaudiness or obviousness...overly elaborate or conspicuous ...characterized by, fond of, or evincing ostentation".

The dichotomy is obvious; however, people often opt for the latter, which has a more negative connotation. It is probably because class comes from within, and is not so easy to develop. It would be relatively easy to put up a plush facade to draw attention. In a busy world full of self-centered, self-absorbed, ostentatious human beings, the small group of classy people is usually ignored and forgotten. 

When I was young, my parents would praise me and give me money whenever I came home with an excellent report card. Mediocrity was not in their vocabulary. They would punish me for not conforming to the norm, talking back or speaking up against injustices. I was taught to believe that people would only respect those who are professionals, in authoritative positions or wealthy.

Sadly, many children born in the 21st century are still being raised with this set of values. The main difference is that young people in developed countries cannot do simple arithmetic, spell or remember names, dates or phone numbers these days; they rely on their smartphones to do all that. Other than designer clothing and accessories, they crave expensive cell phones and popular electronics. Terms such as depression and ADHD are used loosely to describe their psychological states when things are not going their way or they do not get what they want.

What we should teach in schools and at home is self-knowledge, independent thinking, problem-solving skills, self-discipline and respect for others. Hopefully, ostentatious and selfish behaviour would be diverted, and class would be restored in future generations.